You've Got A Friend.... :)

YouHooooooo.... Ok no more rants & ravings tonight! All tired out... Just wanna share one of my old time fave song! Especially to you Lovelies who's reading this and to all my Loveli(li) friends who entered my life and made it so much more colorful & special. As I go through life, I realised that it's not the quantity of friends that matter but the quality of friends. To all my Genuine Friends, THANK YOU.. I APPRECIATE YOU & I LOVE YOU! May God bless you for your kind soul, loving heart & caring nature. Hopefully I am as good a friend to all of you as you are to me. Please listen to the lyrics... each meaningful word is dedicated especially to you... *LOVE*HUGS*KISSES*

                 (Pls switch off the background music at the player below before watching)

You've Got A Friend 
Lyrics By Carole King.

When you're down and troubled
And you need some loving care
And nothing, nothing is going right
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest night

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

If the sky above you
Grows dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind begins to blow
Keep your head together
And call my name out loud
Soon you'll hear me knocking at your door

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there

Ain't it good to know that you've got a friend
When people can be so cold
They'll hurt you, and desert you
And take your soul if you let them
Oh, but don't you let them

You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got a friend

Rants And Ravings

Well helloooo again... back for more rants & ravings! You know, after all tat has happened in my life,this year, I set out to be a better person... especially in terms of temper & mood swings. In a nutshell, I just decided to be Nice,Honest,Kind & Patient as best as I possibly can and if I have to say so myself.. I'm doing pretty well except when I'm driving of course.. LOL. & I also set out to be more open, more expressive of my feelings & my appreciation for others rather than being tight lipped & egoistic with compliments.Trust me when I say I suck at giving due credits & giving compliments but then considering I also suck at receiving compliments then I suppose it's fair.. Haha.( yeah right! ;p)  I'm the type of person tat has high expectations of myself & of others.. and usually people come out short, myself included. Which makes giving compliments tough. On top of that, I don't like to flatter or "kipas".. Urghhhh allergic and tat's why I hardly compliment.. to not be mistaken as I'm "kipasing' someone. But hard as it is.. I push myself and to make it easier, I use logical thinking. My logical thinking says tat it's okay to compliment someone if  it's the truth & I'm sincere about it. So if it's sincere and it's the truth therefore I'm just stating facts! There.. problem solved! But mind you.. if it's the truth but I hate your guts or I just don't feel like it which means I'm not sincere then better not hold your breath!!! No matter how good or how gorgeous or how anything! Hey I'm not perfect & I don't claim to be but at least I'm trying to change! So there.. ;p

I bet you're wondering where all this raving & self confession is leading to.. eh! Well, I'm on a quest of self discovery & self awareness which hopefully will lead to self medication.. Hahaha. Don't get me wrong k! LOL. Anyway...All this ranting is actually me trying to force myself to open up, face the facts, face whatever issues/ shadows or demon tat I keep bottled up inside. To do that, I figure the first step is for me to know myself, to admit to my faults & blemish, my weaknesses. To come clean with myself. I'm trying to heal myself by opening up & by being aware of who I am, what I am. Trying to make peace with myself so to say.. Well the saying goes, if u want to achieve a goal then u have to put pen to paper.. well figuratively speaking tat's what I'm trying to do. Well...Fingers crossed or the term my friend wants me to use.."open palm". or better still.. InsyaAllah which means with God's Willing.

ALL I WANT...

WoW.. it's been a looooooong while since my last entry... as I clear away the cob webs... my return here is for no other reason than to vent.. My last entry if I can recall, I was in a depression and trying to rise from it thru my jaunts at the theater watching Agent Nora, not once but 7 times... just to distract me & pull me out from depression. It worked! I manage to channel the aura & positivity from the casts & play to me.. Came out with a project, a purpose at the end of it.. a new beginning. Short lived joy as always.. but I manage to salvage & trod on. But I'd be a fool not to admit that my last fall from grace tat put me in the depression was a lethal blow.. winded me. It is as the saying goes, the straw tat finally broke the camel's back. Brought me to my knees, I no longer have the will power to fight & tat's a killer! I was very tired.. I am very tired! But stubborn tat I am.. I stumbled on.. but problem is when your will is not there.. a slight tremor can send you  reeling into the darkness.. into a feeling of hopelessness. In and out of the dark I slip.. & because I bottle up everything in me since the early days of my downfall..as I slip between the light & darkness, there are a lot of shadows lurking. And when I'm in the darkness, it feels like I'm being swallowed up and even in light I can feel it's presence tat seems to beckon me back into the darkness.. 

These shadows are none other than unresolved issues, hurts, betrayal, resentments, secrets, emotional turmoil tat I bottled up. Why do I do tat? Well for one because I'm tat type.. a hoarder, a keeper. I don't know how to express myself, I'm a good listener.. tat I can vouch. I need to be because when I listen when others do the talking and help them along then I don't have to talk. Human beings by nature love to talk about themselves and so I let them. But a good thing about a keeper or a hoarder, whatever I hear I keep it to myself. So secrets are safe with me. Personally,I feel that I have nothing much to share or nothing interesting to share even during times when I triumph and especially not during my downfall.  Second is because of my ego, what I keep inside, some of it are things tat relates to my weakness or what I may perceive as my weakness. Thirdly is because I can't share, due to the nature of it,  the sensitivity of it & tis particular shadow weights heavily.

Eat eat Drink drink Talk talk...

Pagi betul aku bangun hari ni.... tapi kawan kawan punya pasal no hal lah.. lagipun balik KB asyik makan tido makan tido.. bina badan la pulak. Buat penat je aku duk sibuk berbasikal ngan berfutsal kat KL.. hajat di hati nak slim down and tone up.. tut tut balik KB hancussssssssssss.. kih kih kih. Cobaan..

Anyway berbalik kpd citer asal.. pagi tadi first time in my life, jumpa kawan kawan for breakfast. Usually for any meet up will be tea or dinner. Ya lah aku  ni kan kaum burung hantu.. Emmm... so jumpa la kawan kawan di Kopitiam Kita. Aku ni jarang keluar merayap kalau balik KB, usually lepak rumah je. sebab tu kalau sape sape tanya pasal jalan ke atau tempat makan ke.... memang aku tak tahu.. FAIL! Nak kata aku ni kelantan murtad.. kata le.. just that dari kecik memang family i bukan jenis makan luar and kalau masa sekolah dulu pun keluar pegi sekolah  pastu stayback sampai petang. kalau merayap pun ke rumah my pet sis or my gang and to PCB (Pantai Cinta Berahi). tu je la...

Breakfast tadi bukan la ngan gang sekolah dulu.. Only G je yg ada.. the rest tak balik KB tis raya. So mostly tadi is my junior. In total ada 7 org including me..There was ME, G, Cha, Lily Sueriana, Hidayati, Yurnalis and Erny. I think the last kita jumpa was back in school. Wow tat was like 20 years ago. Orang orangnya memang la banyak berubah physically but havoc tetap havoc.. riuh rendah meja we all. but who cares... ha ha ha. One things for sure for us Zainabians... Appearance may change but perangai masing masing sama je.. cam still kat ZS ( Zainab School) lagi. Tapi budak budak ZS memang best giller pun.. betul tak kawan kawan.. ;-) All in all.. I had a GREAT time.. and i'm sure WE ALL DID!!  Quality time spent with Quality People! Love ya all.. Mmmmmmmuuuuaaaahhhhh XO.